Ellasphere

Being a parent is not easy! No doubt about it. As you open your eyes and welcome the day ahead, you find yourself with your toddler waiting for you to wake up. (Or rather, your toddler waking you up!) You really have no choice but to get up and start tending to his or her needs. Then you get bombarded with so much work and responsibilities at home, work, and with your kid the whole day, testing your resistance to sickness, your decision making skills, your patience towards everything, while in the process, you learn a lot of things and assess yourself about the kind of parent you are. At the end of the day, you tend to get either accomplished, or even frustrated. Have you ever thought of taking a break from all of these? But oops, there goes Mr. Guilt knocking on your thoughts and so you could just forget about it and accept the bite of reality.

Woah, there! You have all the right to feel that! You’re just human, capable of feeling, hello! And besides, it is healthy to easily identify your negative thoughts right away and deal with it as early as possible rather than denying it and at the end you would just explode and breakdown. If you feel like this, then it is time to give yourself a break. Do yourself a favor even for once!

Here are some tips that you might consider taking:

1. Give yourself a break: Have a little time for yourself. You can be away from your children for an hour or so, have someone care for them for awhile. And for sure you will be able to miss them and you’ll enjoy your kids more when you return.

2. Make love: whenever you get the chance and you are in the mood for it. This will give you time to relax and feel how important and loved you are and you can express yourself with your partner as well. This will definitely boost your morale and you can share the joys of parenting together.

3. Do things that will refresh you. Do something that can unleash your creativity: exercise, cook, write poems, blogs, arrange flowers, have a make-over, change your hairdo, indulge in music, have a massage in a spa, etc. When the spirit is nurtured, then it will be very easy for you to find pleasure in your children.

4. Educate yourself: take in courses that will make you a master of your craft. Take up cooking lessons, art classes, talk to your friends… this will help you boost your confidence in the way you carry yourself and you won’t treat yourself like you are just someone plain and simple who live life in monotony.

5. Pray: A prayer that will let you cast your burdens to Him is the ultimate way of relieving you of the stress that you gain from parenting and housekeeping.

Never ever feel guilty if you think that you really need to take a time out. The more you force yourself to go on and ignore the stress of parenting, the less efficient and effective you will be as a parent, and as a result, you will end up nagging, crying, and even whining and complaining about how miserable your life is, rather than appreciating the gift and the joy you have as a parent, and having a family.

*illustration from http://i-choose-us.com/tips4moms.shtml

One of the skills learned by a baby before he reaches his first year is how to turn the pages of the book on his own. During the 8th month, you may already expose your child to reading materials in order for him to exercise this skill. You may start giving him books made of soft material such as cloth, or the ones withhard bound pages so he won’t be able to rip the pages. It is in this period also that the baby gets very attracted withcolors and pictures so choose books with more pictures in it. You may also choose the books with pictures that provide the child the actual feel or texture of the objects being shown, and this will capture their interest as well. This will give your child a jumpstart to like books.

Another way to have your child to love reading is to actually read to them every night. Show them the pictures as you read the story to help them imagine the story. Children love it when their parents read to them. This will also train them to listen attentively and will spark up their curiosity as well.

As your child enters school, you may also have him acquaintedwith the school library, and have him meet the people there so he may comfortable visiting the library, thus making the place a real haven for them. This will encourage them to borrow books and enhance their social skills as well.

And if you have the budget for new books, perhaps you can take your child with you to a bookstore and have him choose the books he likes and buy it for him. This make him feel in control of his choices. Make this a rewarding experience for him.

My eldest, Keith got acquainted with books at an early age. Though some of the books were overused to the point that they got destroyed and dilapidated but I really didn’t mind. For some reasons, this made him love books so much that he became fascinated with word attack or the skill of decoding words and was able to learn how to sightread at an early age, thanks to his teachers, of course. Also, when I was still pregnant with Kyle, I started reading to him books and somehow, this has made him interested with reading stories as well.

So it is never early to start exposing your kids to books and love reading. Happy reading!

There are two types of problematic behavior. The disruptive one and the type that avoids social interaction and contact. In dealing with these personalities, children must be heard and listened to in order for us to understand their feelings, the cause of such behavior, and from there, we will be able to know the approaches suitable for them. As you deal with them, you are guaranteed that you will make a difference in the lives of these children.

For those children with disruptive behavior, you need to make your expectations clear to them. This is by means of rules and regulations set at home or at school. You must also be clear with the boundaries that you are setting in order for the child to know his or her limits and from there, the child will be cleared as to why he or she is being reprimanded on the act that is said to be deviant to the set expectations. They will then know and learn the difference between right and wrong acts. You may also want to work on the balance between freedom and structure in order for the child to feel that he or she is not being limited much with what he or she can do. As long as you have established the discipline and the routines with your child, he or she will learn and therefore cooperate with your boundaries. You must also remember that you are not forcing these to your child, you are training him or her to the right path. Remember that physical punishment should be your last resort if you think this is needed and necessary for the child to remember not to do a certain deviant act, just use your judgment. But remember that children need to be guided with constant reminders and letting them know that you are always there to listen and to understand them.

For those children who are not into social interaction with others, it is important that you are always there to boost their confidence by celebrating their little successes in their endeavors, making them feel that you are really proud of them, and by helping them express themselves in the ways where they are comfortable at. Always show them that you are always interested with them and with their likes and build that bridge to connect him or her with the family, classmates or in any group that she is in.

For these two types of behavior, letting the children know that you CARE and you are always looking forward to see and hear from them. Boosting their confidence will make them realize that the world loves and accepts the, and they will see the advantages of conforming to what is being expected of them.

image from: www.bbc.co.uk/…/you_talksextokids.shtml

Last May 6, 2008 marks the final screening of the entries for the international competition “Cities Around the World” which was sponsored by Veolia Environement in cooperation with Clark Water. The event was held at Hotel Stotsenberg in Clarkfield, Pampanga, from where they will get to pick a representative of the Philippines for the South East Asia screening. From there, the winner will get to represent South East Asia to the Cities Around the World convention to be held in Paris, to be participated in by representatives around the globe. And by golly, my Grade 3 class won second place while the first place winner was the Grade 4 class from our school as well. Brightwoods School has once again proven its caliber when it comes to competitions, this time in an international arena.

Cities Around the World is contest which aims to let the children know and be aware of how their city is, how a city works and how it affects the environment as it progresses. All entries have shared almost the same views on this issue… progress really do harm the environment. Air pollution from factories, shortage of water and power supply, overpopulation, and garbage disposal… all these are the major problems that make the Earth suffer… and if this goes on, our home planet will be destroyed.

This contest made us all aware that indeed the city is in the verge of destroying the environment and everyone will suffer once we don’t take part in saving it. And so most of the children during the contest suggested ways on how we can care for our environment and these should be advocated starting in our very own homes:

1. the 3 R’s… Reduce, Reuse, Recycle. Garbage segregation is the key to make this work. Separate the biodegradable from non-biodegradable. From there, you can figure out the trash that you can recycle or sell. This will diminish the amount of trash and garbage that we need to dispose. Encourage your children to make artworks out of the trash that can be recycled.

2. Avoid littering. Pick up trash even it does not belong to you and then dispose properly. Dispose garbage at the garbage near you.

3. Save water. Don’t forget to turn off the faucets when not in use. You may also reuse the water you have used for washing clothes to clean up your bathroom or for scrubbing the house flooring. You may teach your children to never let the water running when brushing their teeth and to use a glass of water when rinsing it.

4. Make a compost pit at the backyard. For biodegradable waste, a compost pit can be helpful in disposing them and in return, they make a good fertilizer to grow your crops. This may also be an educational thing to discuss with your children.

5. Encourage your children to save electricity by thinking of practices on how to conserve it, like unplugging the appliances when not in use.

6. Your children may also donate their savings to organizations that are advocates of the environment or perhaps they may join them as well.

These are just some of the things that you can have your children involved with in caring for the environment. The idea is that, we have to make our children aware that this is their home and that we need to save it for their future. We should all start at home and spread this act to our neighbors, relatives, friends, until it spreads out to all homes around the world.

Foster parenting is one of the humbling experiences for any couple who may want to build their family by having kids of their own. It takes major decisions, education, expertise and a lot of advises and counseling in order for one to take courage in engaging to this type of parenting.

Foster parenting is not something that you should be scared of. Though you need to take a lot of considerations to think of, still being foster parents can be a fulfilling for you as parents. Foster parenting will just require you to be wise with your decisions, be true to how you feel about it, and be open to adjustments, and of course, have a lot of unconditional love to give to the child you are going to care under your wing.

Foster parenting gives you an opportunity to keep a child under your care, and giving this child to feel how it is like to have a family and so this will make a major breakthrough in his or her life. You are now sent by God to this child to raise him her according to His will. Foster parenting is a very good example of how unconditional love is and it is a strong testimony of how God looks upon these children and how He loves them.

If a couple would want to engage in foster parenting, here are some few suggestions:

1. Make sure that you have decided to do this as a couple. You have weighed the pros and cons of this and you are both ready to face them.

2. Fostering institutions usually have screening procedures for interested or prospect parents and the child to be adopted so this can help you see and know the child well and to make sure that you can get along with him or her. You may also check on the permits or papers of the fostering institutions to make sure that all procedures are legal to avoid problems.

3. Note that the child will also have issues that he or she needs to face as he or she gets adopted. Always be ready to make the child feel loved and that he or she is special for you. Do not resort to bribery or to any kind of spoiling techniques to win his or her attention. Just talk to the child and spend a lot of time with him or her.

4. Counseling may also help to gain tips and techniques on how you can raise your adopted child effectively.

5. If you get frustrated along the process, note that this is normal. Even parents with their biological children also undergo the same problems or difficulties. Parenting itself is a tasking job and it cannot be mastered overnight, not even a lifetime. Communication between the child and the parents should always be open to build and strengthen the relationship.

6. Always make the child feel that he or she is home. Give the child your utmost attention, love, and affection to make him or her feel that.

I have always found parents to be generous and kind when they engage to foster parenting. Foster parents for me are God-sent, a saving grace for those children who are looking for a new family, a new home to start anew. Fostering parenting is an opportunity to give a brighter future for those couples to become parents, and for orphans who would like to belong to and make a one, big, happy family.

When we sing a lullaby to our children, it gives them a sense of comfort of security. The kind of love and affection that is conveyed in the way you sing it goes deep down into their hearts and this will have a great impact in their lives as they grow. When a child is truly loved by the home, then they take this love with them and they impart this love, unconditionally.

Now it really touches me when artists can actually compose a song for their children and I can’t help but imagine how they are at home. I could visualize that artist being a parent to his/her child. A father that grabs a guitar and sings to his children as they sleep…. I don’t know, but the melody created by the guitar is truly a heartfelt music…

As I listen to these songs, I would catch myself in tears as I am overwhelmed with feelings..

Here is the song that really caught me… from Kenny Loggins.

When you feel afraid,
When you lose your way, I’ll find you,
Just try to smile, and dry your eyes,
I will bring back the moon into your skies.
And ever you will, remember darling, I’ll be there to:

Say to you
I’ll promise you
I’ll promise to
Comfort you and say to you
Darling, I’ll be there just for you.

There’s so much to learn,
and when you want me
Then I’ll show you,
And through the years,
You’ll always be
The lullaby in the heart of the child in me.

Whenever you will, remember darling
I’ll be there to

Say to you
I’ll promise you
I’ll promise to
Comfort you and say to you
Darling, I’ll be there just for you.

Hold it, feel it,
Music is in your heart.
When you need it,
Just keep listening,
Let it sing, let it sing.

Though you’ve grown away
No matter how you’ll change
I’ll know you.
And when you tire of life alone,
There will always be one sure way back home

Just turn on the quiet,
and you close your eyes
and listen inside
(unconditional)
(unconditional)
(unconditional)

I’ll be there to sing to you,
I promise you
I promise to
Comfort you
and sing to you.

And darling, I’ll be there,
Anytime, and anywhere,
Cody I’ll be there just for you.

Kenny Loggins did this song to his second child, Cody. How nice… How loved…

Well, we don’t need to know how to pluck a guitar or hit the right notes. Love itself can already set your music straight and besides, no other voice can ever be as angelic as ever for your kids. You will always be the best singer for them. So go ahead and express your love every night with a song of love as you put them to sleep.

You might have encountered an ad that goes, “Breastfeeding is best up to two years…” Well, that is so true my dear mommies. Breastfeeding has a lot of benefits for our child in all aspect of his growth and development. Not only that, parents would also reap from its benefits too!

1. Colostrum, the very essential substance that breastmilk has contains nutrients necessary to strengthen the immune system of the child. Colostrum would be the very first thing that would come out from the mother’s breast, that is why it is important that the child will be able to get it from the mother, the very moment of child birth.

2. Breastfeeding can be very practical for your family, as far as expenses is concern. You can get to express your milk every now and then and stock up in the fridge. It has been proven that the freshness of breastmilk lasts for two months as long as it is not removed from the freezer. You don’t have to buy those expensive formula milk as a substitute for your breastmilk.

3. Breastfeeding is a bonding time between you and your baby. As you nurse your child with your milk, the baby gets to feel the warmth of your embrace and this contributes to the well- being of the child. As you sing him/her a lullaby, your feelings unite and your baby gets to have part of you on him/her. This makes you feel that joy and the fulfillment as mother.

However, there are pains to breastfeeding, I would say. But there are some tips as to how to overcome them.

1. Always clean your nipples. Have your petroleum jelly ready to treat them and moisturize them to ease the burn.

2. Eat warm soup and include in your diet foods like mussels, malunggay leaves to stimulate your glands and produce more milk for your baby’s meal.

3. Use nurser’s brassieres for easy breastfeeding and to avoid the discomfort and the hassle of breastfeeding especially when you are in public places. Always wear buttoned blouses as well.

4. Breast pads will always come in handy.

5. Choose the breast pump that you are most comfortable at. And be ready because they tend to become painful and they don’t give the same comfort to you as when you are with your baby.

6. Consult your OB GYNE if you have any discomforts or pains that you think are not normal anymore. Do not hesitate to ask questions if you have any doubts.

Nothing beats a bonding between a child and a mother. Breastfeeding is truly best for babies! (and for mommies too!)

Like any other authors, teachers and parents, I too, fell in love by this poem which I first read in one of the posters in the school where I teach. This poem also has been a topic shared in our one of those food for thought sessions in our faculty meetings. And then I came across to the parenting book with the same title, which has drawn inspiration from this poem. So I bought it and read. Wow, it had helped me understand my children. It has tips that can help you become the best parent you would want to be and to improve you as a person as well. Let me share this poem to you by Dorothy Law Nolte.

Children Learn what They Live

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn

If children live with hostility, they learn to fight

If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive

If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.

If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy

If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty

If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence

If children live with tolerance, they learn patience

If children live with praise, they learn appreciation

If children live with acceptance, they learn to love

If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves

If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal

If children live with sharing, they learn generosity

If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness

If children live with fairness, they learn justice

If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect

If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them

If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

-Dorothy Law Nolte

Do I need to say more?

You are a parent. You were given a very fulfilling task that has changed your life from the time you have decided to build your own family. Since the very day your child came and took him/her under your wing, you have decided to give the best for this child and you have automatically unleashed this new side of you… a parent. Parents, you have been given a noble job to touch and nurture a life. You have now have the power to help create a better future not only for your own children but to everyone as well. A parent who has the power to raise children who will soon make history and contribute to the betterment of the world. You have the power to raise children who are truthful, confident, fair, respectful, appreciative, loving, friendly, responsible, God-fearing, and happy. God has given you the power to take care of His child, a child whom He created for a purpose, His purpose.

The power of parenting has given us a purpose in life. And that power must grow as well. The power of parenting has to be nurtured and therefore must be upgraded every now and then by sharing with friends, reading related texts and most of all, listening to our children and see if we are really getting into them. Like any other privileges given to us, the power of parenting should not be abused as well. We parents should not abuse our children by hurting them and stepping on their rights. We should raise them according to how God wants us to raise them.

The power of creating, molding, and changing lives- all rolled into one power— the power of parenting.

All people have the ability to cooperate. Physically and intellectually wise, each and every one of us can understand and follow what we are expected of us. A child therefore is also capable of it as well. And the tool to perform this ability is this: MOTIVATION. So before we ask our child to do something, we must first see if he is capable to do it. Then we have to make him see the importance of what we are asking of him to do. A parent’s job is to make sure that he can do it, then make sure that he understands the reason for it. From there, we can expect him to cooperate with us. If a child is clear with this, then we can avoid harmful ways of making them obey or cooperate with us.

Check this equation shown in the book, “From No to Yes without Bribing of Threatening” by Wykoff and Unell:

ability   +    motivation    =    performance

Things that are important to you may not be important for your child. So always give him the reason to do it.So have the patience to explain to the reason and significance of a favor you ask of them. When repeatedly done, your child will learn it and you can expect him to cooperate. This technique will spare you from shouting or spanking your child when they refuse to cooperate with you. Not only you teach the value of obedience, but also you make your child see the value of teamwork, and at the same time, if I may quote from the book, “increases his ability to delay gratification and tolerate frustration”. Other skills like empathy, self-expression, and making responsible decisions are best learned during toddler years.